


Spring in Wolf Trap

by Durrant



Category: Hannibal (TV), Hannibal Lecter Series - All Media Types, Jagten | The Hunt (2012)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-28
Updated: 2015-04-11
Packaged: 2018-02-22 22:46:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2524487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Durrant/pseuds/Durrant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucas would have been happy with a smile and a kind word but maybe, just maybe, Will can give him something better. If only Will could stop thinking about his ex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The car stalled as he turned into the driveway.

It was a rental car and, despite having been driving it for the past hour, it still felt strange to him. 

He pulled the keys from the ignition and peered at the house through the mist. This had to be the right place. He was tired and jetlagged, but he couldn’t rest until he found his aunt’s house. Getting out of the warm car the air felt cold. He shivered. It was spring in Wolf Trap, but it felt like winter.

His boots slipped slightly in the dark, wet mud as he walked up the driveway. The house number was on the front door, but he had to climb the steps up to the porch before he could see them. This was the right place. 

He unlocked the door with the keys the lawyer had given him. The hallway was dark and unwelcoming. Without stepping inside, he put his hand out, searching for a lightswitch. The light that came on flickered precariously, the lightbulb threatening to blow at any second. The place itself smelled musty and unlived in. It couldn’t have been more than a few weeks since someone had been in here, but it already felt like some forgotten place. 

Some kind soul had been here only weeks ago, just after his aunt had died. Someone had cleared out the fridge of anything that could rot. Someone had secured all the windows and locked all the doors. He wished he knew who it was. 

The bed had been stripped bare and he was too tired to hunt for sheets. He pulled off his shoes and sunk on to the couch. It was almost as cold inside the house as it was outside, but he was too exhausted to do anything about that now. He fell asleep, unconsciously burrowing into the cushions to try and get comfortable. 

He woke up, wide awake instantly and convinced that he wasn’t alone. Fear made him freeze, lying perfectly still. Someone was panting heavily, but he couldn’t see anyone. 

“Hello?” he called out in Danish. Realizing his mistake, he called out another greeting, in English this time.”Hello?”

Nails clipped on exposed floorboards and a dog padded into the room. His tongue lolled out of his mouth in friendly greeting. Lucas smiled, laughing at his own fears. No-one knew him in this country; he had no reason to be afraid.

“Hello,” Lucas said again, switching back into Danish. “Where did you come from?”

The dog came close enough to be petted and Lucas scratched behind his ears. The dog gave a satisfied huff in response.

“What’s your name? Do you have a collar? No?” the dog tilted his head, trying to get Lucas to scratch more. “You're very friendly. Are you a neighbor’s dog? How did you get in here?”

He must have left the front door open last night. When Lucas got up he found the door was gaping wide open. It was no wonder the house was so cold. 

Lucas shut the door, but it didn’t quite latch. He shut it again, more forcefully this time, and it closed properly. He would have to get that fixed. It was yet another thing that needed to be done. His neck ached from sleeping on the couch and his eyes were still bleary. 

He found a metal cannister of old coffee in a cupboard in the kitchen. The smell of it brewing filled the house and made him feel whole again. The dog, determined to be given more attention, got under his feet as he searched the cupboards for any tinned goods that he could eat for breakfast. Fanny used to do the same thing. Lucas let the dog stay. 

There was a radio in the kitchen, and he turned it on; twisting the old fashioned dial until it clicked on. He hadn’t realized how oppressive the silence had been until the heavy beat of an American pop song broke it. The music was too fast and too garbled for him to understand the lyrics, but it didn’t matter. It was good to hear a human voice. 

Breakfast consisted of a can of baked beans. It sat heavily in his stomach, but he was too hungry to care. The dog sat at his feet, under the table, warming Lucas’s feet. He cherished the feeling. He’d missed the unconditional love that dogs had for humans. 

“Alright,” Lucas said, regretfully pulling away from warmth of the dog. “I’m going to the supermarket and you will have to go home. You can come and visit me again.”

The dog gave him a reproachful look but, when Lucas opened the front door, the dog ran off, running straight for the woods without looking back. Lucas tried not to feel bereft. 

It started to rain as soon as he got in his car. It made the landscape look even drearier than it had in last night’s gloom. Lucas pulled over and checked his map. There was no-one around to ask for directions. He’d always thought the village where he lived was rural, but there was so much more space out here. He had to drive for twenty minutes before he got to the supermarket. 

He pushed the large shopping cart around the store. A few other customers eyed him oddly, but most people just ignored him. There was a time when he would have hated the anonymity of being so far from home and everyone that knew him. Now, it felt like a sweet relief. 

“D’you fine ebrytingya looking four to day?” the bored-looking, teenage cashier mumbled. In the twelve hours that he’d been in America he’d spoken more English than he’d spoken in years; picking up the rental car and then talking to the lawyer that had been holding on to his aunt’s keys. He’d been sure that his English was good enough to make this trip but he could barely understand this spotty boy.

“Pardon?” Lucas asked politely. The teenager looked back at him with an incredulous expression.

“Did you find everything you were looking for today?”

“Oh. Oh, yes. Thank you.”

The boy shrugged, eyeing Lucas suspiciously. Lucas looked down at his groceries, waiting for the boy to start. 

“Are you from around here?” the boy asked, picking up a bag of potatoes and scanning it slowly. His expression had shifted; his eyes no longer bored, but accusatory.

“No,” Lucas said with shake of his head. 

“Huh,” the boy picked up the next item, his fat fingers grasping at a loaf of bread. The teenager was only slightly older than his own son. Lucas didn’t look up at the boy again. Instead, he paid as quickly as he could and hurried out of the supermarket. He broke the speed limit as he drove back to his aunt’s house. 

Even though the place was only a temporary home at least it was safe. It was remote, and there were no other houses in sight. Lucas turned the kitchen radio up so that music blared through the house. There was no sign of the dog from earlier. Lucas hoped he would visit again. The house felt empty without him. 

He spent the day looking through the house, cataloguing what remained of his aunt’s life. There was something soothing about stepping into someone else’s life. About stepping out of his own life. In the evening he heated up some food and watched American TV. He went to bed before it got dark out, but he didn’t fall asleep for hours. The sheets smelled of unfamiliar detergent and he couldn’t get comfortable. He wondered if anyone in his village had noticed that he was gone. 

Lucas was awoken by the barking of a dog. It was already light out, but it wasn’t long after dawn. He pulled on some clothes but, when he opened the front door, there was no dog waiting for him. 

He heard the dog barking again. The sound carried on the wind. He thought of Fanny, his own dog who had been killed. He couldn’t let anything happen to this new dog. 

The mud was damp and it clumped to his shoes as he crossed the yard, heading in the direction of the barking. It was coming from inside the woods that skirted the property. It had been months since Lucas had last set foot in a forest. Not since that fateful hunt with Marcus, when he’d realised that he would never truly be forgiven for the terrible things that he’d been accused of. Not since one of his friend’s had taken a shot at him, leaving him in constant fear of his life. The sun had been too bright on that terrible day to make out who had fired at him. He’d thought that the village had begun to accept him again, that things would go back to how they had been. But it was impossible. In the months since that day, he’d life had fallen apart; it didn’t matter that he had been proved innocent, those accusations would always mark him as a leper. 

Lucas shielded his eyes and stepped onto the path. 

The bright sun shone through the bare trees. It was almost blinding. The memory of fear and the realization that there would never be forgiveness for the atrocious crimes that he’d been accused of weighed him down and slowed his steps. He hadn’t expected it to be so cold here, at this time of year and he hadn’t packed a thick jacket. He shivered and pulled his thin jacket tighter across his chest. 

The barking stopped and Lucas willed his feet to move faster, even as his sense of foreboding increased. 

There was someone ahead of him. A man sitting on the ground, leaning against a tree in the clearing up ahead. Lucas stilled but the man didn’t move. His heart raced, remembering what it felt like to stare down the barrel of a gun in woods like these. A twig snapped under his foot but the man up ahead didn’t look up. Lucas swallowed. He was so far from home. This stranger wasn’t from his village, he wouldn’t despise Lucas as everyone else did. Lucas stepped closer, entering the clearing but keeping his distance.

The man scowled at his feet with red, bloodshot eyes. The stranger stank of alcohol, his greasy hair curling and unwashed and his clothes stained with mud. 

“Hello,” Lucas said cautiously. 

The man grunted, puffing out a breath that turned to steam in the cold morning air. The smell of old alcohol got stronger, noticeably sharp and rancid. Lucas bent down, not stepping any closer to the man. The instinct to protect, to try and help the weak, was too strong to be denied, even when he was sure that his kindness would be rebuffed. 

“Do you live around here?” Lucas asked, glancing around. The only path through the woods was the one that led back to his aunt’s house. The stranger shifted away from him.

“Yeah, I’m your neighbor,” the man wiped his mouth on the back of his sleeve. Lucas had a handkerchief in his pocket, but he didn’t offer it. The man sounded too angry, and Lucas didn’t want to be rejected over something so simple. 

“How do you know?” Lucas asked gently, but the man didn’t respond. Lucas repeated himself, trying to think of how best to phrase his question in English. “How do you know that we are neighbors?” 

The man shrugged and leaned forward, hunching over so that he was almost bowed down in front of Lucas. He looked utterly miserable but Lucas couldn’t bring himself to reach out and touch him. He didn’t want to see anyone else flinch away from him. 

“It’s a gift,” the man bit out, leaning back, looking up into Lucas’s face for the first time. The man’s eyes were the most striking shade of blue. Lucas watched him; no-one in America had ever met him before. He knew that this man wouldn’t recognise him, wouldn’t associate his face with the atrocities that he’d been accused of. Except the man did seem to know him. The stranger flinched backwards, staring at his face in burgeoning horror. 

Lucas watched him silently. He should have been used to this reaction. Even though, there had been a time, not so long ago, when he had thought that it was something he would never have to see again.

“You!” the man gasped, sucking in a lungful of air and then sputtering it out. The noise was loud and sounded painfully. It was, Lucas realized slowly, a laugh. The man was laughing at him. The bitter laughter filled the space between them, destroying the quieter woodland noises. Lucas watched helpless until the man’s laughter turned to fitful coughing and he was able to talk again, “You’re here!”

“I am here,” Lucas said, trying to sound reassuring, but the man just scrambled away from him.

“Stay back, just stay the fuck back” the man stood quickly. His legs gave way slightly and he clutched his stomach, clearly in pain. His other hand flew backwards and grabbed onto a tree. He steadied himself, his thin body swaying slightly. Lucas stood slowly, his eyes still on the stranger. He wanted to help but it was apparent that the man wanted nothing to do with him. 

“I’m sorry,” Lucas raised his hands and took a step backwards. Shame washed over him, so familiar that it made him wonder when he’d ever not felt like this. “I didn’t intend to scare you.”

There was a noise behind him and the dog from yesterday bounded into the clearing, running straight up to the stranger. His tail was wagging wildly, and his tongue hung from his mouth as he panted. The dog had to belong to the man, but the man did nothing to acknowledge the happy animal. He was too busy staring at Lucas to even pet the dog. 

“Well,” Lucas tried not to let the sting of yet another rejection show on his face. He had dimly hoped that he would find some respite on the other side of the world. “Goodbye.”

He nodded to the man and walked back to his aunt’s house without looking back once. 

The man’s reaction shouldn’t upset him. He should be able to dismiss it. He should make himself breakfast, he should set up a routine for himself so that he didn’t fall into a depression. There was work to be done, and he couldn’t stay in the US for long. 

Lucas made some coffee and picked up the phone, dialing the number from memory on his aunt’s old telephone.

It rang for a long time. Lucas pressed the receiver against his ear, the plastic slowly heating up as he looked out of the window at his aunt’s overgrown yard. The phone clicked as someone picked up. Lucas could hear someone breathing on the other end.

“Hello, Marcus? It’s me.”

The person on the other end took two long, shuddering breaths before answering. 

“Hi, Dad.”

Lucas smiled in relief. 

“It’s good to hear your voice, Marcus.”

His son made an indistinct noise. 

“Your great-aunt’s house is very rural, there’s a lot to do here.”

“Yeah?” Marcus asked hopefully, “So you’ll be gone the full three months?”

“I don’t want to be gone that long,” Lucas said softly. He pressed his hand against the window pane. His son didn’t want him to be around, he wanted his father to be out of his life for as long as possible. “I miss you, Marcus.”

“Yeah, I don’t have time to talk right now, I have to go.”

“Alright,” Lucas tried to keep the sadness from his voice. His son was angry with him for so many things. Lucas had forgiven everyone that had turned against him, he’d been happy when they had seemed to accept him back into the community after he’d been shown to be innocent. That had infuriated Marcus; he didn’t understand how his father could just forget about the way that he’d been treated. Then, after someone had taken a shot at Lucas and he’d realized that the village was not a safe place to live, he’d sent Marcus away. He was living with his mother now. Lucas wasn’t sure that Marcus would ever forgive him; but he would rather that his son was angry with him than he was hurt by some misguided villager. “I call again in a few days.”

Marcus was silent and Lucas waited, hoping that his son would say something good. That his son could understand him, could forgive him, just a little bit. 

“If you want to. Bye, Dad.”

Marcus hung up before Lucas could say goodbye. He stood, with the receiver in his hand, looking out of the window for a few minutes. The smell of coffee permeated the room. Usually the smell was a comfort, but he couldn’t find any joy in it this morning. 

He turned the coffee machine off and went back to bed. The sheets were still slightly warm and he pulled them around himself as tightly as he could. 

His hunger woke him up, hours later. It was tempting to stay in bed, but he knew if he did that then he might never get up again. He went to the kitchen and turned the radio on before making himself an open sandwich. The coffee from earlier was cold and only half made. He threw it away and made more. Afterwards he sorted through his aunt’s closet. Most of her clothes could be given away to charity. It seemed sad that at the end of life all that remained was this. Lucas had never actually met his aunt, he’d never travelled to the States to visit her before she died. He’d only vaguely been aware that his mother had a sister who lived in America until he was tracked down by his aunt’s lawyer to inform him that she had died and left her estate to him. 

It was after dark by the time he finished with her closet and went to cook himself some supper. He was already sleepy again, but he knew he had to eat. He’d just started making another pot of coffee when there was a knock on the door. 

The man from the woods was standing on the porch. He’d showered and shaved and didn’t stink of alcohol when Lucas opened the front door. The porchlight lit his face, making him look almost ethereally beautiful even though the loveliness of his eyes was now hidden behind a pair of glasses. Lucas swallowed, suddenly nervous, not because he was worried that this man thought he was a pedophile, like everyone in his village; but, instead, because he hadn’t seen or spoken to anyone to whom he’d felt such an instantaneous attraction to before. The feeling was almost pleasant. This was what it was like to be normal and not weighed down by the hatred of everyone he’d ever known. 

“Hello,” Lucas said when the man showed no signs of speaking. 

The man hovered, fidgeting slightly as he watched Lucas, carefully studying him. Whatever he saw in Lucas’s face made him relax.

“I’m sorry,” the man shuffled awkwardly, the wooden boards of the porch creaked ominously under his restless feet. “For this morning. I, uh, I’m not used to seeing people out here.”

“That’s fine,” Lucas opened the door a little wider, “Would you like to come in? I was just making some coffee.”

The man shrugged, looking over his shoulder as if he expected to see someone in the darkness behind him.

“I don’t...I’m not. That’s not why I came over here,” he stuttered. Lucas’s face softened. There was something so lost about this American. Lucas had the strongest urge to bring him inside and tell him that everything would be OK. He’d spent his adult life acting as a caregiver to those around him. That instinct had been the reason he’d chosen to become a kindergarten teacher. But he’d had to suppress that instinct for so long. No-one wanted the help of someone as tainted as he was. 

“It’s always good to know your neighbors. My name is Lucas,” he put his hand out into the space between them. 

“Will,” the man said quietly. His hand felt cold in Lucas’s grasp, and Will held on with a feeble grip. Lucas tried not to react but he wasn’t sure when the last time he’d touched someone had been. Marcus refused to let him hug him. Nadja had left long ago. “Alright, let’s, uh, have some coffee.”

Lucas nodded happily as Will stepped into the house. He was making a new friend and it felt like a monumental victory. Will closed the front door behind him, shutting it so that the latch caught. He must have been here before, and knew the door was difficult to close. Lucas led them through to the kitchen where Will sat down with an ease that suggested he’d been here many times before.

“Did you know my aunt well? She used to live here,” Lucas’s tongue twisted in his mouth and he turned away in embarrassment to deal with the coffee. He wasn’t sure why he ever thought his English was good enough to hold conversations. 

“Yeah,” Will took the cup of coffee that Lucas handed to him, not asking for milk or sugar. “Sort of. I have dogs and she didn’t like them, but we have keys to each other’s houses. I was away when she died, and no-one was looking after the place. I came in and took care of,” Will waved his hand negligently around the kitchen, “Things.”

“Thank you,” Lucas said with a smile. Will gave a one shouldered shrug and took a sip of his coffee.

“Jesus,” he swallowed noisily and put the cup on the table with a loud thud. The coffee slopped around, swirling in the cup but none spilled out. “That’s disgusting.”

Will looked up, looking Lucas in the face and smiled. A pure genuine smile. The American was breathtaking. Shaving off his facial hair had taken ten years off his face. Lucas smiled back, adjusting his glasses to hide how unsure he felt. To be smiled at like that, without subterfuge or deeper meaning, was something to be treasured, and it belied Will’s disgust at the coffee

“I’m sorry,” Lucas hesitated, wanting that smile, that human connection, to last a little longer. “Would you like some sugar?”

“No, no. I kinda like it like this. Sometimes good coffee isn’t worth the cost.”

Lucas nodded slowly. Will’s tone was so wistful that Lucas assumed he was talking about something more than just coffee but he didn’t understand what.

“So,” Will took another sip of his coffee, slurping it slightly and looking at Lucas. Except, he wasn’t meeting Lucas’s eyes, instead he seemed to be looking straight at his chin. Lucas had the urge to bend his knees so that Will would look at him properly again, so that Lucas could admire those blue eyes again. “You never met your aunt, but she left you this place.”

“Yes,” Lucas raised an eyebrow in surprise. 

“She never mentioned you.”

Lucas tilted his head, waiting for an explanation as to how Will had known about him if his aunt hadn’t told him. None was forthcoming, but he didn’t ask any questions. For all Will’s bluster there was a quality of fragility to him that stopped Lucas from asking anything else.

“I was surprised by her generosity,” Lucas said, finally joining Will and sitting down at the kitchen table. 

“I don’t think she knew anyone else,” Will glanced up sharply, and then started to blush. “Not that it matters...I mean…Sorry. I don’t think I’ve spoken to another human being in weeks. I seem to have forgotten how. If I ever knew.”

“It’s fine,” Lucas said, trying to use his most calming voice. There was something horribly broken about the way that Will spoke. Lucas didn’t reach out and touch him only because the last eighteen months of his life had taught him that his touch was never welcome. Will was looking around, painfully embarrassed and looking for a reason to flee, but Lucas desperately wanted for him to stay. So he opened his mouth and started talking. He didn’t have a girlfriend or a boyfriend, or a son who cared about his daily news; he was out of practice at making small talk but he sensed that it would calm Will down. 

“You’re right, I never met my aunt. She moved over here before I was born and my mother and her hadn’t spoken for many years. I came over here to tidy the place up and sell it. My visa is only for three months so I need to have everything done by then.”

He could see Will relaxing as he spoke and Lucas felt himself relaxing as well; he was talking to another person but he felt calm, not just waiting for the next accusation or threat. It felt nice, in a simple way that he’d forgotten could exist. 

“Could you tell me where the closest bus stop is? I haven’t seen one yet, and I must return the rental car tomorrow.”

Will sipped his coffee and Lucas had the uncomfortable feeling that he was being judged as Will kept his eyes on him, watching over his cup as he drank.

“Well, there’s one about two miles down the road. But I don’t think there’s a bus service anymore.”

“Ah,” Lucas frowned. He had rented a car for a few days, but he hadn’t budgeted to rent one for the entire time he was in the States. In planning for this trip he’d assumed that he’d be able to use public transport to get around. 

“You can use my car, if you like.”

Lucas froze in astonishment. This man didn’t know him, had no reason to trust him and yet he was freely offering something precious. He was so surprised that it took him a few seconds to refuse Will’s offer with a shake of his head. The offer was too generous to be accepted. 

“Thank you, that’s very kind, but I couldn’t possibly.”

“I barely use it. I go and get groceries or food for the dogs, but most of the time I eat what I catch.”

“You hunt?” Lucas asked, disquieted by the idea. 

“I _fish_ ,” Will said, stressing the word as if the distinction was important. “It would probably be good for the car if it was driven more.”

Lucas smiled slightly, convinced that Will was lying so that he would accept his offer. Will smiled back and Lucas let himself be persuaded. If this charming man wanted more to do with him then he wouldn’t, couldn’t, refuse. 

“But, what about insurance?”

Will gave him a puzzled look.

“The paperwork’s all fine if that’s what you’re asking,” Will said defiantly and Lucas realized he had somehow offended him. “You’re legal to drive here if you’re renting a car.”

Will took a large gulp of his coffee, almost draining it and Lucas knew that he was preparing to leave. 

“I didn’t mean to offend you. It was very kind, I would love to use your car, if you don’t mind.”

Will dragged his hand along his cleanshaven jaw, his eyes flicking up to meet Lucas’s and then darting away. 

“Come round tomorrow and get the keys. My house is a ten minute walk up the road, you can’t miss it,” Will pushed his glasses up so the rim no longer obscured his eyes and Lucas could look at him properly, although Will still didn’t look at him. It felt like he’d been gifted with something even more precious than the use of his car.

“Thank you again, would you like to stay for dinner? I was just about to start cooking when I heard you knock.” It felt ridiculously forward, but he didn’t want Will to leave. He didn’t want to be alone, but, more than that, he wanted this curiously kind and perceptive man with him. He wanted Will to stay with him until he was at ease, until he could look Lucas in the eye and not flinch away. 

Will shook his head decisively and pushed his chair back, standing so quickly that Lucas was sure he’d offended him again. Lucas tried to keep his disappointment from being too obvious. 

“I’ve got to feed the dogs,” Will said, sounding almost angry but Lucas had no idea what he’d done wrong. “Sometimes, sometimes I forget that people like you exist.”

Lucas stood too. He didn’t want to ask what sort of person Will thought that he was. Will was already leaving, going out into the corridor and opening the front door as Lucas hurried after him. Will stopped and turned around only when he was standing outside, bathed in the porch light that highlighted his porcelain skin. 

“I’m happy to help out with the car, but you look like someone I knew, someone I thought I knew, or...We were together, but not anymore.”

“Oh,” Lucas felt a flush of disappointment that his face had reminded Will of unhappy times, swiftly followed by astonishment that Will had once been attracted to anyone that looked as plain as him. 

“That’s who I thought you were this morning, but you look different. Hold yourself differently,” Will smiled suddenly, another genuine smile that lit up his face. It felt like years since someone had smiled at him like that. Lucas knew he was staring at WIll’s lips but he couldn’t help himself. Guilt washed over him so suddenly that it was almost a physical force, bending him and breaking him. This stranger trusted him, smiled at him, but if he knew what Lucas had been accused of then he’d know that Lucas didn’t deserve such kindness. 

“You’re too kind to a man you’ve only just met,” Lucas said, his face straining to not show his misery. Will cocked his head, his eyes finally resting on Lucas for longer than a second. It was not a pleasant gaze, Lucas felt like he was being analysed and judged but he dared not turn away. 

“I told you this morning. I’ve got a gift. I know you’re a good man,” with that Will turned and walked away, disappearing down the driveway as Lucas gaped after him. There were tears behind his eyes. He’d once thought of himself as good, but it seemed like that had been so long ago; in a time when he didn’t have to fight for every ounce of respect that his community granted him. 

“Good night, Will,” Lucas called out, but he doubted that Will heard him. The young man was already of sight. Lucas closed the front door, making sure it was latched before going back to the kitchen. The only reminder of Will’s presence was his dirty coffee cup. If not for that solid evidence then Lucas might have imagined that he’d dreamed the whole encounter. Lucas left it on the table as he set about boiling some potatoes for his dinner. 

The next day he returned the rental car. Travelling to Wolf Trap without his own car was both time consuming and expensive. It made him appreciate Will’s offer all the more. A taxi dropped him off at his aunt’s house and he trudged up the driveway wearily. The mud was still wet even though it hadn’t rained. The house was so isolated, anything could happen there and it would be months before anyone noticed anything was wrong. Perhaps Will would notice. 

Lucas made himself a cup of coffee as he warmed up and then walked up the road to Will’s house. He could hear dogs barking wildly before he even stepped onto Will’s property. They didn’t sound intimidating to him, instead reminding him of how precious canine companionship could be. Of how much he missed his own, murdered, dog. 

Will opened the front door and slipped outside, closing the door carefully so none of the dogs followed him out. Even though it was afternoon, he was only dressed in boxer shorts and a dirty T-shirt. Lucas raised his hand to wave and hurried towards the house. 

“Hey.”

“Hi, Will,” Lucas said as he climbed the steps onto his porch, but as he got nearer he could smell the faint tang of alcohol that had clung to Will when Lucas had first met him in the woods. 

“Here’s the car key,” Will shoved his arms out in such a wild gesture that Lucas stepped back, worried that Will was about to strike him. A single key rested in Will’s outstretched palm, and Lucas plucked it from him cautiously. 

“Thank you.”

Will shrugged. 

“I don’t drive much nowadays, so I was wondering, if I gave you a shopping list and some cash, could you do my shopping for me? It’d just be things from the supermarket. Dog food, vegetables, that sort of thing.”

“Of course,” Lucas agreed quickly before thinking better of it. It was clear to him that Will was suffering in some way. From personal experience he knew that becoming a hermit, shutting out all human interactions, was not healthy. “Or, maybe, I could drive us both to the supermarket. I am not familiar with the area, you could make sure I don’t get lost.” 

Will put his hand on his abdomen and scowled heavily, his beautiful face twisting horribly. 

“It’s not your job to fix me.”

Lucas adjusted his own glasses nervously. Having Will’s approval had become important in such a short space of time.

“I don’t, I didn’t intend...Please, I apologise,” Lucas knew he was babbling, but he’d rather that Will really had struck him than he look at him with such anger. Will sighed, the tension leaving his body as quickly as it started. 

“It’s too cold to stand out here doing this,” Will’s tone turned bitter. “You can come in if you like.”

He turned, opening the front door only a crack before a dog’s nose was pushed through the gap as the eager animal tried to join them on the porch. The excited barking got louder. Will put his hand on the dog’s head, pushing him back into the house so that he could get in too. Lucas followed, unable to turn away from this man who offered companionship so freely. 

As soon as he was inside he was overwhelmed by dogs. There were three of them, all panting and sniffing at him, eager for attention as Will disappeared into the house, leaving him alone with the dogs. Lucas made sure the door was shut behind him and then bent down to pet the excited creatures. One of them was the dog who had come to his house on his first morning in Wolf Trap. That dog licked his hand in greeting and the others, taking their cue from him, quickly began lapping at him and slobbering on his hand. He let out an amused breath. 

From further in the house Will whistled; a harsh, imperious noise, that Lucas wasn’t sure was aimed at him or the dogs. They all turned away from him, running down the hallway to wherever their master was. Lucas followed them. 

Lucas found him in the kitchen, pouring whiskey into a coffee mug. 

“You want some?” Will asked, already getting another mug from the cupboard.

“I’m not much of a drinker,” Lucas said softly, but Will snorted and push the mug into his hands. Their fingers brushed briefly and Lucas felt his face flush at the sudden contact. It was more intimate than last night’s handshake. This was the vague touch of someone who didn’t see him as dirty and disgusting. To Will the simple brush of their fingertips must have been meaningless, but to Lucas it was sublime. It was the touch of someone who saw him as a human being, not just something to be reviled. “Your dogs are very friendly,” Lucas said, searching for something to fill the emotional silence. 

“They’re easily manipulated,” Will gulped his whiskey before continuing, “I used to have more, but…”

Lucas frowned, recognising his own pain in the way Will’s expressive face twisted. Had someone killed Will’s dogs, just as someone had killed Fanny?

“I was away for a long time, and other people were looking after them. When I finally got out of hospital they’d already bonded with their foster family. It seemed cruel to make them come home when they’d already found somewhere new.”

Lucas sipped the whiskey, it burned unpleasantly in his mouth, but he didn’t want to offend his host. He put the mug down without commenting. 

“You were in hospital? Were you unwell?”

Will gave him a speculative look, downed his whiskey and put his empty mug down on the table next to Lucas’s almost full one. 

“Injured,” he pulled up his shirt, revealing a white stomach that was marred by a scar that was still an angry shade of red. Lucas winced in sympathy. The wound must still hurt Will, because this was what Lucas had seen him clutching at before, he just hadn’t realized it at the time. Will chuckled, the brittle noise unnervingly loud in the confines of the kitchen. “Took a knife to the gut.”

For all the horrors that he himself had been accused of, the idea of anyone willfully hurting Will was particularly abhorrent. He could not imagine anyone wanting to hurt this kind and beautiful man. Will let go of his shirt, letting it fall, rumpled and untidy, over his slim belly, before turning to pick up the whiskey bottle again to refill his mug.

“And you?” Will asked, the whiskey bottle hovered over Lucas’s mug as if Will were asking if he wanted a top up, but something in Will’s tone made him pause. The man standing before Lucas wasn’t the same broken, slightly drunk man that had stood there seconds before. His shoulders were no longer slumped, his eyes had narrowed and he was watching Lucas with an aggressive and calculating stare.

“I don’t understand,” Lucas said, confused by how quickly the atmosphere had changed. 

“No? I used to work for the FBI. I used to hunt monsters; murderers. You’re not one of them, but you’re full of guilt. What were you accused of?”

“I,” Lucas stuttered, stepping backwards until he bumped against the kitchen counter and couldn’t back away any further. It seemed impossible that Will could know such things but the words started flowing from his mouth before he could stop them; before he could stop himself from losing his new found friend. “A little girl I taught, she accused me of, of terrible, unimaginable things. I thought my life was over. I lost,” Lucas felt a lump in his throat. It was strange to get so emotional over a story he lived with everyday. “I lost everything. But then I was proved innocent. I thought it was over, I thought...I could be happy again. But someone tried to kill me. I don’t know who. But I’ll never be forgiven, I’ll never be safe. People I’ve known my entire life think that I’m a…” Lucas couldn’t utter the word out loud, so he copied the term that Will had used, “A monster.”

They were such simple words. The greatest tragedy of his life could be summed up so succinctly. Will pushed the mug of whiskey back into his hands. 

“I know you’re not a monster. I’ve seen what real monsters are, and, believe me, you’re about as far away from that as it’s possible to be.” 

Wil hunched back down, making himself small again like an animal deciding that it wasn’t going to hunt. Instead, he stepped forward, so close to Lucas that he could smell the tang of cheap whiskey on his hot breath. He wanted to flee. This seemingly fragile man had unearthed his secret in seconds of acquaintance and didn’t even seem to care. 

“How, how can you know?” Lucas heard his voice break. How could a stranger offer forgiveness and absolution when his family and his friends had turned away from him?

Will inched closer to him, the front of his body rubbing against Lucas. He was so pre-occupied by his thoughts that it took him a second to realize that Will was coming on to him. It felt amazing. Someone was willingly touching him, someone who knew the worst of him and still wanted him. 

Will’s soft lips pressed against his neck in a gentle kiss. 

Lucas made a noise that was part moan and part sob. What Will was offering was so tempting and he suddenly wanted more than he could ever remembering wanting. His knees weakened like a love struck teenager. It had been so long since anyone had desired him. The thought of Will touching him, actually taking pleasure from touching him, was dizzying.

“Will,” Lucas put his free hand on Will’s upper arms and gently pushed him away, “We can’t. You’ve been drinking, it would be wrong.”

Will took the mug of whiskey from Lucas’s hand and sniffed at it, smirking slightly. Lucas looked away; one of the dogs had flopped down on the kitchen floor and Lucas watched him, trying to avoid seeing Will’s smirk. If he’d let Will continue to kiss him, he would have been taking advantage. The beautiful young man was unlikely to repeat his offer but Lucas knew he’d done the right thing. 

“I have to go. I...Thank you again, for the car key. And the use of your car. I’ll let you know before I next go to the supermarket,” Lucas said, talking rapidly. Backing out of the kitchen as Will glared at him. He couldn’t leave like this, he couldn’t leave with Will thinking that he was rejecting him. “You’re very…” Lucas hesitated, unsure of himself. Will was so very beautiful, surely a compliment from Lucas would be worthless to him. “I don’t deserve your kiss.”

Lucas didn’t wait for Will to respond, he fled the kitchen as fast as he could. He could hear the dog that had been lying on the kitchen floor get to his feet with an awkward cacophony of nails scratching on tiles. The dog ran after him, so that when Lucas closed the front door of Will’s house, he had to be careful to push the dog back into the house, because the creature was so eager to follow him outside.


	2. Chapter 2

The realtor sat at his kitchen table, looking round speculatively with eyes that peered out from beneath a layer of heavy blue eyeshadow. She sipped her coffee slowly and pushed her blonde hair over her shoulder. She was American but her accent was thick and Lucas had to pay attention to every word, even though she spoke slowly.

“Oh, well, I know of him, of course I do, sugar. He’s quite the local celebrity, don’t you know? My husband’s cousin lives on the other side of him and she used to help out with his dogs. Just making sure they were fed when he was off doing work for the FBI,” Charlotte leaned back with a proud smile as she enunciated the letters slowly. “I heard there was some trouble. He went away for a while and, when he came back, he was,” she paused, pouting slightly in distress. “Well, he was different. I mean he was always a little _special_. But now… Well, I’m not a gossip. But Cathy, that’s my husband’s cousin, she says that his poor little heart was just broken. Course, she don’t go around there no more, because he’s there all the time to see to the dogs, but she does worry about him. I mean, we all do. He’s all alone out here! I’d just go crazy, wouldn’t you?”

“I suppose. It is very isolated out here. I've already met Will."

“Indeed it is!” Charlotte nodded vigorously so that her hair bounced slightly. “That's so nice that you’ve already said hello to Mr Graham. What a gentleman you are! I sold a place a mile down the road, you would have passed it, the one with the blue barn? Well, I sold that one not four months ago and I haven’t seen or spoken to that young couple since. I do think it's better when we can all be neighborly, don’t you?”

“I… Suppose,” Lucas nodded, overwhelmed by the barrage of words. 

“So when are you thinking of putting it on the market? Because, you know, I’d be very happy to help.”

“I want to make some repairs before I put it up for sale.”

“Oh, my, what a marvellous idea!”

Lucas lifted his own coffee cup, sipping it slowly to keep his mouth occupied. Charlotte’s smile was so bright that it had to be false. He hesitated, unsure if she expected a response. It had been so long since someone had made such an effort to be nice to him that he felt unsure of himself, not sure how to respond.

“And how long do you think that’ll take? Because you know houses out here just always look the prettiest in the summer. That's my busiest time of year!”

“I’ll be leaving in three months,” Lucas said, standing to get the coffee pot. A movement outside the window caught his eye. One of Will’s dogs, the one that had first come to visit him, was running through the trees. “I’ll have to go home by then.”

“Three months?” Charlotte scoffed, “Well, honey, that’s not long, especially if you’re not gonna put it on the market straight away. I’m always happy to help my clients though. If you listed with me then you could go back to Europe and I’d look after everything on this end.”

“More coffee?” Lucas asked, picking up the pot. Will’s dog had settled at the base of a tree, looking up at the branches. He could see the dog’s mouth moving as he barked at whatever creature he had chased up there. He imagined that he could hear a slight noise that was the dog’s bark, despite the distance and the thick pane of glass. 

“No, no. I’ll let you get back to your work. I just wanted to pop by and introduce myself. Here’s my card, if there’s anything you need, anything at all, then you give me a ring. Don’t you be shy now.” Charlotte pressed a thin business card into his hand, her fingers avoiding touching his. He wondered if she’d done that on purpose, if she could see how tainted he was. 

Lucas followed her to the front door, waiting as she pulled on her thick winter coat. As soon as the front door was opened, Lucas could hear the sound of barking in the distance.

“I bet you that’s one of Mr Graham’s dogs. You know your Aunt had problems with his dogs too.”

“It's fine. Thank you for coming.”

Charlotte gave him a surprised smile, pausing as she stepped out onto the porch so that she was uncomfortably close to him.

“Oh, well. It was nothing. Good-bye now, I do hope to hear from you soon!”

“Goodbye,” Lucas answered, watching as she walked to her car and raising his hand to wave farewell as she drove away. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had visitors in his house in his village. Since coming to the US he’d had two visitors in just a few days. It felt nice, like he was human again, like he deserved to be spoken to and part of a community; but Charlotte’s enthusiasm had been exhausting. When her car had disappeared down the road Lucas grabbed his coat and went to see what Will’s dog was still barking at. 

The dog was fascinated by something in the branches of the tree, jumping excitedly up the trunk. Even as Lucas approached him the dog didn't stop it's determined scrambling; his front paws on the tree trunk whilst his back paws dug into the wet mud. 

“Hello there, are you chasing a squirrel?” Lucas asked lightheartedly in Danish. The dog let out a surprised bark, startled by Lucas’ presence and falling awkwardly. The dog howled in sudden agony, abandoning his quarry to let out another pained yelp. Lucas hurried forward, getting down onto his knees. The dog scuttled away from him, not putting any weight on his front left paw. “You’re injured, we need to get you home.”

The dog looked at him with such large piteous eyes. He hadn’t meant to injure Will’s dog; if he’d left the creature alone then it wouldn’t be in pain now. Lucas sighed, walking forward on his knees and wrapping his arms around the dog before standing up. The dog was heavier than he expected and he grunted, trying not to squeeze the wounded animal too tightly. 

“It’s OK, I’ll get you home soon,” Lucas said, trying to sound soothing, as he made his way to the road and began walking as quickly as he could without jostling the dog. That familiar, dirty, feeling of guilt settled round him. “I’m sorry,” he whispered to the dog, but the animal didn’t answer.

As soon as Will’s house came into sight the dog became restless. He wriggled out of Lucas’ arms with unexpected determination. Lucas tried to keep ahold of him, but he slipped and fell as the dog limped away from him. His hands landed in the mud just in time to stop his face from hitting the ground.

He stood slowly, and saw that Will was already on his porch examining the wounded animal and whispering reassurances to him. Lucas edged closer, his hands raised in defeat; Will glared at him, his face twisted into an ugly snarl.

“He needs to go to the vet and I’ve been drinking.”

Lucas nodded. He could see the anger and blame in Will’s face. Those gentle lips had kissed him only the other day, but now they sneered at him. He’d been correct when he said that he didn’t deserve Will’s kisses. It was almost too painful to look at him. 

“I can drive you, if you like,” Lucas said cautiously, tapping his jacket pocket to check that the car keys were still where he’d left them. 

“You’re filthy,” Will said. Lucas swallowed heavily, his eyes falling shut. He didn’t want to cry but he could feel a lump welling in his throat. He knew he was filthy, dirtied by the slander and hatred of all his friends, but, for some reason, he’d dared to believe that Will didn’t see him like that. Will had told him that he wasn’t a monster, but he must have been lying after all. “You can get changed while I get Winston ready.”

Lucas opened his eyes. Looking down, he understood what Will was talking about. His clothes were filthy, covered in wet mud. He smiled in relief. 

“The closet in the bedroom. There should be…” Will turned away abruptly. “You’ll find something that fits.”

Lucas nodded. Will shuffled aside so that Lucas could get passed him and into the house. The other dogs greeted him enthusiastically as he tried to find Will’s bedroom. It felt rude to be wandering through Will’s home, but Lucas had no idea where the bedroom was. The first door he opened led him into a messy study. There was a small desk set up with fishing equipment on it and a half finished bottle of whiskey. 

Lucas hurried to the next door. This time he was lucky. Will’s bed was an unmade pile of sheets. The closet door had been left open. Most of the clothes had been thrown haphazardly on to hangers and Lucas recognized the plaid shirts and outdoor styles as things that Will would wear. Pushed to the far left of the closest were other clothes. They had been meticulously put away. Expensive looking jackets cut from thick wool and decorated with bold patterns. Lucas couldn’t imagine Will ever wearing such things. These clothes had to belong to someone else. 

Lucas was covered in mud and if he got into the car in this state then he would ruin the inside of Will’s car. He needed a change of clothes.

Will’s shirts looked far too small for him. The expensive clothes that has been set aside looked like they would indeed fit him. But Lucas didn’t want to wear them. He didn’t want to remind Will of whoever had left those clothes behind. What if they belonged to the ex that Lucas already reminded Will of?

Lucas found his way to the bathroom and tried to scrape and rinse off the worst of the mud from his clothes. 

“You haven’t got changed,” Will said from the open bathroom door way. Lucas washed away the last of the mud from his hands before looking at the reflection of Will in the mirror. 

“Nothing fit,” Lucas lied. 

“Winston’s already in the car,” Will said, turning away before Lucas could work out what he meant. 

“Winston,” Lucas flicked his hands to get rid of the excess water and hurried after Will, “Is the dog?”

Will paused as he opened the front door, the scowl that he’d been wearing since Lucas arrived finally leaving his face.

“Yeah, Winston is the dog. You ready to go?”

Will didn’t lock his front door and he got into the back seat of the car, sling an arm around Winston to keep the dog calm. Lucas hesitated before getting into the driver’s seat. It felt too personal to be driving someone else’s car, especially when Will was sitting just behind him, watching him. He put the keys in the ignition and started the engine, trying to shake the feeling that he was imposing. 

The car made odd noises as he drove. The strangeness of driving someone else’s car, of having been entrusted with something valuable was almost overwhelming. Lucas drove slowly along the unfamiliar roads. Behind him, Will spoke almost constantly in a low voice, muttering reassurances to Winston that Lucas couldn’t quite make out. 

“Take a left here,” Will said suddenly, leaning forward so that his head was in between the two front seats. Winston whined as Will jostled him. “And then the next right. There’s a sign in front, you can’t miss it.”

Lucas sped up, more confident the longer Will went without criticizing him. The vet's practice looked like any other house and Lucas did almost miss it. Will didn't comment. He just got out of the car, carrying Winston in his arms before Lucas could offer assisrance and making his way inside. Lucas hurried after him. 

The receptionist greeted Will with a tired smile. The young woman didn’t seem at all surprised to see him. She just sighed and put a form attached to a clip board on the counter in front of her.

“Hi, Will. New dog?”

“No. Lucas, could you take that for me?” Will gestured with his elbow at the clipboard as he took a seat, Winston still balanced precariously in his arms. "Don't bother filling it out," Will said as Lucas looked down at the form. "I come in here a lot. They know who I am."

Lucas hesitated. It was only natural that Will should be upset about Winston's injury, but he seemed worried about something else. Just being here seemed to have him agitated. Lucas sat down. The plastic seats were very small and Lucas thigh rested Will's, their knees didn't quite touch. Lucas didn't move away, although he knew he should. His thigh was suddenly incredibly sensitive and he could think of nothing else beyond the hot press of Will against him. 

The receptionist ignored them, clicking away on her computer and not sparing them a glance. After a few minutes of waiting, Will sighed and finally relaxed. His legs spread out and his knee moved out, touching Lucas' in a way that made Lucas glance quickly at Will and then the receptionist. Neither were looking at him. 

"Would you...Would you come in with me?" Will asked quietly, his lips barely moving. He still didn't look at Lucas; instead, he stared determinately at the floor. 

"Of course," Lucas said quickly. Will's knee felt heavy against him, pressing into him. He wished he could reach down and squeeze Will's knee, to give him sign of reassurance and physical comfort, but he couldn't. He was too scared. What if Will hadn't moved on purpose? What if he didn't even realize that their knees were touching because he was too preoccupied with worrying about Winston? Maybe if Lucas drew attention to how much they were touching then Will would move away. That would be the worst thing that could happen. 

Lucas hated himself for being a coward, the simple delight of being touched by another had made him desperate and fearful. He reached down and put his hand on Will's knee. It was incredibly difficult. 

Will looked at him in surprise and Lucas struggled not to apologize. Will didn't say anything and both his hands were occupied with Winston. Instead, he pressed his knee harder against Lucas's knee. It felt like acceptance. Lucas looked away, unable to look at Will any longer. He was too beautiful. 

"Will?" a short woman in a white coat came through a door and looked at Will expectantly, "Do you want to come through?"

Will stood awkwardly, lumbering to his feet as Winston whined in pain. Lucas watched them, feeling useless and unable to help.

"It's been a while, Will. Just put him down on the table," the short lady said as she led them into the examining room. The bright overhead light made Will look tired and frayed. It added another weight of guilt to Lucas. He'd caused Will to look like that.

"Nancy," Will said tightly. "I don't know what... Lucas brought him home."

The vet, Nancy, looked blankly past Lucas, hardly acknowledging his presence at all.

"The dog fell, one minute he was jumping at a tree and then he fell in pain."

Nancy frowned at him silently, as if she was trying to remember if they'd met before. It was incredibly uncomfortable but Lucas didn't flinch. He could feel her doubting his story, deciding if he was lying or not. He hoped Will believed him. 

"OK," she smiled suddenly at him and Lucas had the oddest impression that it was just Will she didn't like, "Well, let's have a look at him, shall we?"

Will edged a little closer to Lucas, their shoulders not touching although Lucas imagined he could feel the heat pouring off Will’s body. The vet poked and prodded at Winston for a few minutes and then straightened up to glare at Will.

"He’ll be fine. Nothing’s broken," Nancy's face soured as she spoke each clipped word. Lucas felt an instant dislike for her and the unpleasant way she was treating Will. "There are things we can do. Will," she sighed, "This isn’t your dog."

"I found him," Will said quickly.

"You didn’t come and get his microchip checked though, did you?" her voice rose angrily and her lips tightened further until they were an almost invisible white line. Lucas looked between them, wanting to do whatever he could to keep that devastated expression from Will’s face, but he was powerless. "His family misses him. I can't let you keep him. They want him back."

"I've had him for months and no-one’s come looking for him," Will said in a rush. "He's happiest with me!"

"I think it's great that you take in strays," Nancy raised a hand appeasingly, "But you can't just take dogs from off the street. I've had his family in here three times asking about him. They left a photo of him behind the front desk."

Will dug his hand into Winston's fur and closed his eyes.

"I can't lose another one, Nancy."

The vet pursed her lips and shook her head.

"I'll give you a minute to say goodbye while I call the family. They have two kids and I know they've missed their dog. They'll be happy to finally get him back," she shook her head again and went to the door. "I'm not the bad guy here, it's not fair to make me feel bad when you stole someone's pet."

The door clicked shut behind her and Will made a low inhuman noise as he leaned down and buried his face in the back of Winston's neck. The confused dog tried to twist round to lick Will's face. Lucas watched in horror as Will’s shoulders shook silently. All of this pain and anguish and Lucas had caused it all. He wanted to reach out and put his hand on Will’s shaking back, to comfort the other man as he'd done in the waiting room, but he couldn't. Lucas could barely move for the weight of guilt bearing down on him so heavily that he thought he might vomit.

"I'm sorry, Winston. I'm sorry," Will whispered again and again as Lucas stood, unable to move.

"OK, so," the vet interrupted as she opened the exam room door, pausing when she saw what Will was doing. "Oh. Oh, Will. It's not that bad, he's going to a good home."

"He chose me! He came to me!" Will cried out, finally looking up so that Lucas could see the unshed tears that shimmered in his eyes. 

“His family are on their way already,” the vet wiped a tired hand across her forehead. “Look - “

“Just,” Will interrupted, “Just give me a few more minutes with him? Alone?” Will looked back at Lucas, his lip trembling and Lucas understood that he wanted to be alone to say a tearful goodbye. 

“Of course, I’ll wait in the car,” Lucas murmured, trying to be as unobtrusive as possible. The vet shot him a pitying glance as he walked out.

He’d only been in the car a few minutes when Will came stomping out of the vet’s and towards the car. Will slammed the car door shut behind him, hunching down in the passenger seat. Lucas wanted to reach out to him, to apologise, to ask what he could do to make it better but the gap between them was so great. A tear glittered in Will’s eye. 

“Take me home,” Will muttered, rubbing his face with his hands. “There’s no point staying here any longer.”

Lucas nodded, although Will didn’t spare him a glance. 

“I’m sorry,” Lucas said, starting the car. The engine roared to life but Will was silent. Lucas glanced over at him quickly. He looked like an image from a classical painting; the embodiment of grief brought to life. 

The silence made the car engine seem loud and unbearable. 

“I lied to you, earlier,” Lucas said. He saw, out of the corner of his eye, Will jerk his head to stare at him. Lucas kept his eyes on the road, unwilling to see the disappointment in Will’s eyes, but not willing to live untruthfully. “I’m sorry. I didn’t try on the clothes that you asked me to. I just, I didn’t want to put on your ex’s clothes. It felt wrong.”

Will grunted and turned away, staring out of the window at the muddy, brown fields. His hair, even now it was washed and clean, had a curl to it. It made him look like angelic. Lucas gripped the steering wheel tighter. 

The remaining two dogs had been shut in the house, so there was no excited greeting when Lucas pulled into Will’s driveway. He parked and turned the engine off, intending to walk back to his Aunt’s house. 

“Come in for a drink,” Will said, not looking at him. Lucas wanted to reach out and turn Will’s head towards him. He wanted Will’s forgiveness. “I don’t want to be alone,” Will continued quietly, ducking his head in shame. 

“Sure,” Lucas said. It was the least he could do even though all he wanted was to go back to his Aunt’s house and be alone himself. He wanted to hide from this beautiful man that he had unwittingly caused so much pain. 

The two remaining dogs barked and greeted Will boisterously when the front door was opened; although it seemed to Lucas that they were looking around for their missing companion. Will fell to his knees, embracing his last two dogs as they squirmed, trying to lick and paw at him. 

Finally, when the dogs had calmed down, Will pushed himself to his feet with a tired grunt and led Lucas to a small sitting room. 

“I’m sorry about Winston,” Lucas repeated.

Will shrugged, slumping down into a chair. His face was so expressive, his blue eyes showing his agony to the world. Lucas would have done anything to take that expression off his face. 

“No, it’s fine. I should have...He was never mine,” Will leaned back, resting the back of his head against the top of the couch and exposing his long neck. “He was a friend when Han...when life was difficult.”

Lucas nodded. 

“I can make us some coffee?” Lucas asked, glancing through the open door to the untidy kitchen, “If you have any coffee?”

Will waved his hand dismissively, too consumed by grief, but then his lip twitched and it was almost a smile. 

“Sure. I like your coffee.”

Lucas smiled back and went through to the kitchen. Will was forgiving him and it was such a relief that Lucas’ hands shook. How was it so easy for Will to be so kind?

Despite the unwashed dishes, the insides of the cupboards themselves were clean and well organised. There was no milk in the empty fridge. It didn’t take him long before he returned to Will with two steaming cups of black coffee. Will’s smile had vanished but he didn’t seem as distraught as before. Lucas knew he should keep his mouth shut, he should be grateful for all the goodness and trust that Will had already shown him. 

“You’re,” Lucas hesitated, it wasn’t his business to ask, it was too forward, too intrusive, but now Will had turned to look at him with those beautiful all-seeing eyes and Lucas couldn’t help himself. “You’re still in love with him. Your ex.” 

There was a second of shocked tranquility, as if neither of them could actually believe the words that had come out of Lucas’ mouth. 

“I never loved him,” Will spat out, slapping his mug down on to the table with a loud bang. One of the dogs barked at the sudden noise. Hot coffee spilled and Will gasped loudly; the handle of the mug had broken off in his hand. 

“Fuck,” Will whispered reverently under his breath. 

“I’ll get a cloth. Are you injured?” Lucas asked, already going to the kitchen to fetch something to mop up the coffee. Will didn’t respond and, seconds later, when Lucas returned, he found Will still sitting in exactly the same place, transfixed by the broken mug. 

“Will? Are you injured?” Lucas knelt on the floor next to the couch, and took Will’s hand in his own. The broken handle was sitting in the palm of his hand but it didn’t look like it had cut Will’s flesh and none of the spilled coffee had touched his skin. “It’s just a cup, there’s no need to be upset.” He wiped Will’s hand with the damp cloth. “There, all better, and now I’ll just wipe this up and then it will be like nothing even happened.”

Lucas finished tidying the table and then took the broken cup into the kitchen and threw it away. It was his nature to take care of those around him; his family, the children in his class. Nobody had wanted his help in so long; until Will. It felt right, centering and something unclenched in Lucas’ chest as he took another mug from the cupboard and returned to find Will looking only slightly more animated, as he rubbed his hands together in a nervous gesture. 

“Will,” Lucas sat down beside him. The young man looked so upset over the broken mug, but Lucas couldn’t understand why. He reached out and put his hand on Will’s shoulder as a comforting gesture. “I can buy you a new one, if you like?”

Will looked up sharply. 

“You think life is so simple, don’t you? But it isn’t. If it were that simple you wouldn’t be over here, hiding, on the other side of the world.”

Lucas’s hand dropped from Will’s shoulder, the air leaving his lungs as if Will had struck him. He couldn’t believe his own audacity in touching Will. 

“I think,” Lucas began slowly, “That there will always be goodness in the world, as long as you know where to look.”

He wasn’t sure if he was reassuring Will or himself. There had been a time when he’d been sure that there was no goodness in the world, certainly not for him. 

“Or,” Will said, his eyes slipping shut, “If you know where not to look.”

Lucas frowned in confusion, but Will just leaned back on the couch. A curl of dark hair slipped down onto his forehead and he didn’t move to brush it off. The dark curl was in stark contrast to Will's pale skin.

“It’s not your fault about Winston,” Will said tiredly, “Or about the other stuff. None of it’s your fault.”

Lucas looked at him in disbelief. He didn’t believe what Will was saying, but it was wondrous that Will could think so highly of him. Will’s eyes were still shut and Lucas felt like he was intruding on a private moment. Will’s breathing began to even out and Lucas thought he was asleep. He made to stand, but Will’s hand shot out, grabbing at his elbow and keeping Lucas in place. 

“Don’t go. Stay here tonight.”

“Will,” Lucas began softly. Will had been drinking again and, no matter how tempting, Lucas would never take advantage of him. 

“Just to sleep. Nothing else. I don’t want to be alone tonight,” Will opened his eyes suddenly. They were so large and blue that Lucas found himself mesmerised and unable to look away. He nodded slowly. 

“OK, but I should go home first. I need something to wear to sleep.”

Will smiled; wide and beatific.

Lucas tried to smile back. 

He left soon afterwards, walking back to his Aunt’s house. It was early evening but Lucas didn’t feel cold at all. It was almost spring and he could see the buds of new leaves on the bare trees. 

It took him a few minutes to pack a small overnight bag. He agonised over what else he should take and finally settled on taking some things from the kitchen in case Will was hungry. Lucas’ own stomach was so twisted with nervous excitement that he didn’t think he could eat at all.

By the time that Lucas made his way back to Will’s house it was getting dark. 

None of the lights had been turned on in Will’s house. Lucas knocked gently on the front door and, when there was no answer, he pushed it open. The front door had been left unlocked for him. He smiled to himself as Will’s two dogs came to greet him, snuffling at his hands. Neither of them barked at him, they didn’t think he was an intruder. He scratched the nearest dog behind the ear. 

There was no sign of Will as Lucas walked through the house. He checked the kitchen and the sitting room before slowly pushing open Will’s bedroom door. 

“Lucas?” Will asked, his voice groggy. He was wrapped in the bedsheets, but Lucas could see the outline of his body despite the darkness of the room and the long shadows. Will’s shoulders were bare. He gulped and held out the bag he’d brought with him. 

“I thought you might be hungry. I brought some food, just, just,” Lucas stuttered as Will yawned and sheets slipped down, revealing a slither more of pale skin. “Some beef, potatoes. If you’re hungry?”

“Too tired to be hungry. I was dreaming. I was dreaming about the night I found Winston. I was sleepwalking that night. Will you make sure that I don’t sleepwalk tonight?”

“Yes, yes, of course,” Lucas reassured him quickly. Will sounded so vulnerable but Lucas didn’t think he’d ever met anyone as strong. Will wiggled, moving to one side of the bed so that there was room for him. Lucas still didn’t move. He wanted to, but he had no control over his feet anymore, all he could do was stare at the hollow above Will’s collarbone. 

Will grunted slightly and pulled back the bed sheet invitingly. 

“I should put the meat in the fridge,” Lucas said, his voice sounding strange and mumbled even in his own ears. He wasn’t sure if he was speaking English or Danish anymore. He was truly going to be sharing a bed with another human being. He’d thought he would never do such a thing again. He backed out of the bedroom, unwilling to look away from Will until the last possible second. 

Lucas put all the food he’d brought with in the fridge. There was nothing else in there. 

He’d brought his toothbrush with him, but he didn’t have time for that now. Instead, he changed into his night clothes in the sitting room, trying to calm his nerves with a few deep breaths before he went back into Will’s bedroom. The dogs were lying on the floor in between the bedroom door and the bed itself and Lucas had to tread carefully to avoid stepping on them. 

“Will?” Lucas whispered. The light coming in through the window had faded while Lucas had been changing and he couldn’t see if Will’s eyes were open or not. Will made a sleepy noise, rolling over and pulling the covers with him so that Lucas could see he was only wearing a pair of baggy boxer shorts. Lucas’ breath caught in his throat. 

“Will?” he asked again. This was unreal. Beautiful men didn’t ask Lucas into their beds. Being here was a terrible mistake and Will was going to laugh and tell him to leave. 

“Aren’t you cold?” Will mumbled, “Here, it’s warm.” Will held up the bedsheet for him and Lucas slid down onto the bed feeling like a sacrifice kneeling at the altar of a god; scared and exultant. 

The sheets were still warm from touching Will’s body. There wasn’t a part of his own body that was touching Will, but it felt as intimate as if he were cradling Will in his arms. His breathing was too loud and he didn’t want to move, he didn’t want to disturb Will. 

Lucas lay still and unmoving, his muscles locked despite himself when, suddenly, Will reached out with a single finger towards Lucas’ face. He kept still, letting Will do whatever he wanted, as Will’s finger slowly traced his lips and the curve of his smile. Lucas hadn’t even realized that he was smiling, that his own joy at being here, like this, was so clearly visible on his face. There was such simplicity to Will’s movement, it seemed so easy for him, to connect to the world around him. It was a crime and a travesty that Will had been hurt because of that. He couldn’t imagine a world where Will wasn’t considered precious. 

He relaxed, falling asleep gently, with Will’s finger still on his lips. 

Lucas woke up at dawn, as Will got out of bed. He watched, still drowsy, as Will went to the closet and pulled on some clothes. 

One of the dogs whose name Lucas didn’t know jumped up on the bed to take Will’s place. The animal lay down next to him, curling so its back pressed against Lucas’ side. The dog was breathing heavily, the smell of its breath waking up Lucas up quickly. Its fur felt hot where the dog was pressing against his skin but he didn’t move away. 

“Will?” Lucas asked, rubbing a hand over his eyes. He’d been sleeping very deeply and it was difficult to get his eyes to open. 

“Shit!” Will jumped, clothes falling out of the closet as he turned in surprise. “Lucas! I didn’t mean to wake you. It’s still early. Go back to sleep, I’ll be back in a bit.”

Lucas made a soft noise in the back of his throat. He was too sleepy to speak English, and rolled onto his side, putting an arm around the dog next to him. The animal wagged its tail once, hitting Lucas’ thigh, and was still. He closed his eyes. He’d forgotten this feeling. He wasn’t worn down by worry, he was just warm and content and sleepy. He’d forgotten that life could be so simple. 

He listened to the rustling sound that Will was making. The other man was taking a very long time to get dressed. Lucas let himself doze but when Will left the bedroom, the dog got up and followed after him, leaving Lucas cold. Was he overstaying his welcome by staying in Will’s bed?

Lucas hated the thought that he was imposing, that Will might find him annoying. 

He stretched; his muscles straining pleasantly. The sunlight coming through the window wasn’t harsh. Lucas smiled and reached out with his hand to smooth down the bed linen and catch the last traces of Will’s body heat left on the bed. 

There was a faint smell of smoke. 

Lucas got up quickly, not at all concerned about walking around in his pyjamas, as he hurried to the kitchen. There was no fire, but he could still smell smoke. One of the dogs came into the kitchen, pressing his cold nose against Lucas’ bare calf. He’d assumed that Will had got out of bed in order to take the dogs outside. Peering out of the window, he saw Will standing in front of a small fire that he must have recently started. 

Lucas set some coffee on to brew and then went to find his shoes so he could walk through the wet, muddy grass. He made sure the dogs stayed inside the house and went to greet Will. The air smelled of smoke and accelerant, making Lucas cough slightly. Will didn’t turn at the noise. He was staring so intensely at the fire that he didn’t react at all as Lucas approached.

Lucas faltered, realising what Will was burning. The expensive clothes that had been in Will’s closet were sitting on top of the fire, making it look like a bizarre, corpse-less, funeral pyre. 

“Will?” Lucas called out. Will jumped, his arms wrapping protectively over his stomach. 

“You’re up!” Will said accusingly. 

“I can leave if you’d prefer?”

Will shook his head and stepped towards Lucas, not quite touching him. 

“No, I just, I didn’t want to wake you, you looked so peaceful. Thank you, for staying last night. I haven’t slept well since...In ages. But then I woke up and I realized how stupid it was to still have all this,” Will nodded towards the clothes. They hadn’t caught fire yet, but they were just beginning to smoke. “Just sitting in my closet. It’s not like I’m going to give it back.”

Lucas reached out a hand, not sure where it was acceptable to touch Will, but the other man twisted closer, so that Lucas’ arm was around Will’s shoulders in a sort of casual embrace. 

“He’s still here you know. Nearby.”

Lucas squeezed his arm around Will’s shoulders just a little bit tighter and waited for Will to tell him whatever he was comfortable saying. 

“I thought about going to see him, after the...He’s in an asylum. Did you know that?

“No,” Lucas shook his head slightly. Will’s tone was aggressive but he huddled closer to Lucas as if he couldn’t decide if he wanted to fight him or be held by him. Lucas pressed a soft, daring kiss to the top of Will’s head and waited patiently for Will to decide what he wanted.


End file.
